I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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