Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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