Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
