I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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