I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
