So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize