its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
