I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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