blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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