just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
