I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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