The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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