Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
