I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
