I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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