just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
