I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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