All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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