Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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