I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
