I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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