what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
