He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
