I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize