My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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