He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
