I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize