just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
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