His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
