I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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