Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
