I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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