It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
