god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize