I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
