I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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