Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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