the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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