bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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