hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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