I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
