Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
