Only a mothe r could love this liver
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
