you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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