We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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