I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize