Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
