remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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