i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
