I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
