I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't turn off my feet"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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