Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
