I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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