i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
