Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
