I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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