i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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