saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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