I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
