WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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