The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize