We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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