Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
