Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just crazy horny about you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
