Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
