You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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