I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
