I'd wear matching sweaters with you
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
