I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
