I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
