i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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