I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
